


this is what you wanted

by jennycaakes



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Healing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: The war is over and Gale needs to make his transition to District 2. But an unexpected friendship with Madge Undersee has him hesitating.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been going through my gadge tag and I found this little story that I forgot about. Enjoy! It was one of my favorites to write.

His hands are cold. His fingers are cold and his chest is cold and his feet are cold and Gale’s entire body is cold. Every breath he takes is cold, every little movement, every part of his being. So when he feels a warm hand in his he clings to it, focuses on it until he feels it spreading throughout his entire body. And when he comes to, he’s surprised that Madge was the one that brought him back.

Gale blinks hard as he places himself. District 13, not the streets of the Capitol on cool winter nights. District 13, with his family. District 13, where the war is over.

“Gale,” Madge grabs his hand a little tighter as he lets out a shaking breath. “Are you okay?” His head dips slightly as he pulls away from her, his eyebrows coming together. Looking around he sees his tray on the floor of the cafeteria, his food spilled out across the tiles and forming puddles of sludge. “Hey, you’re okay,” she tells him. 

“Sorry,” he rasps. She shakes her head as he bends down to pick up his tray, and then disappears from him altogether. Moments later, after failing to scoop up the gross food of the District 13 cafeteria, Madge reappears with two people who work on the cleaning crew to help. “Not necessary,” Gale murmurs.

“Come on,” Madge offers him her hand and Gale accepts it, standing beside her. “We can wait in line together.”

Gale doesn’t have to ask her what happened. He knows all too well what happened to him, because it’s happened more than once since he’s returned. While District 13 is processing his paperwork to send him to District 2 he’s stuck here, in the never ending gray abyss of the underground. It reminds him of the mines, it reminds him of the underground passageways at the Capitol, it reminds him of the war.

There must’ve been a loud noise. Maybe someone shouted, someone dropped a pot. Gale can’t be sure. But things like that always send him back. Back to the feel of a weapon in his hand, back to the Nut, back to someone dying, someone dying at  _his hand_. Madge is looking at him with wary eyes, standing in front of him in line.

“I’m fine, Undersee,” he grumbles. 

When he went away with the Star Squad to fight the Capitol it would appear that Madge Undersee became close with his family — Posy, especially. So as he reacquaints himself with his people he loves the most, Madge Undersee is  _also_  there. She’s tried giving him his space but Posy always wants her back, and Gale can’t stand to see his sister upset. Especially now. And Madge keeps to herself most of the time, something Gale can handle. 

“Okay,” she says with a nod, turning away from him to grab a tray. Still, she’s hesitant. “If you’re still having trouble—”

“I said I’m fine,” Gale snaps. She nods her head a few times and moves down the row in silence, and he follows just the same.

* * *

Gale finds out that his younger siblings have been going to therapy and he feels his heart drop into his toes. “It’s not because of anything you’ve done, Gale,” his mother insists, but it doesn’t help calm his nerves. 

He wonders if his siblings know the monster he’s become, the people that he’s killed. He wonders if they know he played a part in the death of Primrose Everdeen, no matter if he wasn’t the one to order the dropping of the bomb. And if they don’t know now, he’s sure they’ll find out as they age. It terrifies him.

Today he’s waiting outside the medical wing on one of the many benches, bouncing his leg repeatedly to keep himself in the present. Gale’s thoughts shift more than once as people pass him, wondering if they’re Capitol members in disguise, someone sent to eliminate him for the damage he’s done. And then someone lowers themselves onto the bench beside him and his hands swing around in defense when he realizes it’s Madge.

“Careful,” she says softly. “Just me.” He keeps his hands up, his fists slowly easing into hands of surrender, before lowering them back into his lap. “Here for the kids?” she asks.

“They’re in therapy,” Gale tells her. “Ma’s working. I’ve got to pick them up.”

Madge nods and glances toward the clock. “I’ve picked them up a few times,” she says. “Shouldn’t be much longer.” Gale nods as well and looks away from her, resuming the bouncing of his leg to keep himself distracted. He nearly leaps when Madge’s hand falls on his knee, pressing down hard to stop it from jiggling. “Feeling alright?” she asks.

“Fine,” he answers immediately. Madge won’t understand. Even if he explains it to her. Her hand stays strong against his knee. How is he supposed to convey how he feels when he’s not even sure himself? Like something bad is constantly about to happen to him, to his family, and he’s just waiting for it. Like he’s breathing through a straw and it’s not enough oxygen for him. “What’re you doing here, anyway?”

“Therapy,” she answers, as though it was obvious. His eyebrows come together. “I might not have been on the front lines like you, Gale, but I still went through a war,” Madge reminds him. 

He shakes his head, “It’s not the same.”

“It’s not the same?” she asks. “I survived a bombing. I lost my parents.” Madge finally removes her hand from his knee. “I still have nightmares.” Gale starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt, not knowing what to say back. “I know it’s not the same. But talking to someone helps me,” Madge says in the silence. “It could help you, too.”

“I’ve got nothing to talk about,” he mutters. Almost immediately after he speaks the door swings open and out strolls his three siblings, a content look on all of their faces. He stands as they exit and Posy sprints to him, Gale opening his arms for her. “How was it?” he asks, pulling his sister close.

“Fine,” Vick answers. Just fine. Gale reaches down, messing up his brother’s hair. “Hey, Madge. Are you coming home with us?” Gale spins to look at the blonde who’s already looking in his direction, as though she’s asking him for permission. And Gale grits his teeth, but nods his head slightly, causing Madge to nod for Vick. “Great,” he grins.

Gale feels his heart sink a little at the realization that his siblings would rather have her around, then him.

* * *

Posy falls asleep on Madge’s lap that night and Gale watches the two of them for a long time. Madge is clearly sleepy herself but continues to play with the tips of his sister’s hair, sinking backwards in their seat. 

“I can take her,” Gale says after clearing his throat. Madge sits up a little, a tired smile filling her face as she nods. Madge shifts the two of them so Posy is easily accessible and Gale scoops her into his arms, carrying Posy off to her room in the back. When he returns Madge is nearly asleep. “Hey,” Gale nudges her gently.

“Sorry,” she rubs at her eyes. “I should be going anyway.” Madge stands, wobbly on her feet, and smiles in his direction. “Haymitch’ll worry if I’m not back soon.” Gale watches as she starts for the door but then a sharp look from his mother gets him to follow after her.

“Let me walk you,” Gale forces out. Madge lifts her eyebrows at him. “It’s late, you’re tired. It’s not too far.”

“If you’re sure,” Madge counters, and Gale nods. Madge smiles a little, waving at a very sleepy Rory on the couch considering Vick had already gone back to bed, and a very smiley Hazelle at the table. Outside they walk slowly, Madge’s feet dragging and her arms crossed over her chest due to the cold draft 13 always has. “You don’t have to walk me,” Madge says once they’re outside. “I saw that look your mom gave you.”

“It’s not a problem.” 

So they fall into an easy silence between the two of them as they walk. Most of the district is asleep at this point so all they have is the sound of their footsteps scraping across the ground. 

Suddenly Madge clears her throat. “Do you think it’ll get easier for you in District 2?” she asks. Gale clenches his jaw and swallows. “Gale, stop pretending like you’re not hurting. I know that you are, okay?”

“You don’t know me,” he mutters. Madge sighs and stops walking, causing Gale to pause. He’s a few steps ahead of her and doesn’t want to turn around, but eventually he does. “I’m fine,” Gale tells her. It’s such an easy lie these days. “Okay? I’m fine.” 

Madge looks sad, and it’s something he doesn’t understand. Because his life shouldn’t concern her — hers certainly doesn’t necessarily concern  _him_. It makes him feel uneasy anyway. “I know you don’t like me, but you don’t have to talk to  _me_. You can talk to a professional, a therapist—”

“Stop,” he cuts her off. “Okay?” Anger is suddenly building below the surface of his skin. “You don’t know what I’ve been through and you don’t know me, and you don’t get to talk to me like you do! Is that clear?” His voice is steadily rising but Madge holds her ground, keeping her shoulders square. “You have no  _fucking clue_  what it was like, Undersee! You can’t compare your pain to mine!” 

“Gale,” her voice is soft, and now she’s very close. “You’re yelling.” He takes a few deep breaths, his chest heaving, and looks away from her. “Hey,” she grabs his hand before he can stride away. “Look at me,” she stresses. Gale turns his head to do just that and she reaches up with her other hand to hold both of his. “Running to District 2 isn’t going to fix you,” Madge whispers. “Neither is yelling at me. Or pretending like you’re invincible.” The muscle in his jaw twitches at how hard he’s clenching his teeth together. “You’ve just been through a  _war_ ,” Madge carries on. “You’re allowed to hurt.”

Gale’s eyes begin to burn and he tilts his head away but Madge lifts one of her hands to catch his cheek. “I can’t,” Gale croaks. 

“Can’t what?” 

“Anything, I can’t—I can’t do anything,” he tells her. “The kids don’t look at me the same, Ma, she—she knows she can’t help, and I can’t—” Gale shakes his head. He can’t do  _anything_. He can’t breathe. He can’t sleep. He can’t focus. He can’t even  _eat_ without thinking about some fuck up he’s made. “I just  _can’t_.”

“And that’s okay,” Madge whispers. “That’s okay, Gale. It is. It’s okay.” Finally he looks back at her and she lowers her hand to grab his again. They hear footsteps and both of them turn, finding one of the night patrols looking at them with a frown. “Come on,” Madge tugs his hand. “Let’s walk.”

His admission makes him feel slightly more broken than before, and yet at the same time the pressure on his shoulders has lightened. Madge doesn’t let go of his hand as they walk, in fact she turns her fingers until they lace with his, anchoring them together.  He focuses on the warmth of her hand, the softness of her palm, and lets her drag him toward her compartment.

When they get there they stop outside. “Wait here,” she says, and he dips his head. Her hand untangles from his and he reaches up, rubbing at his forehead and taking a deep breath. Moments later she reappears, one of her hands in a fist as she reaches for his own. “Here,” Madge opens her hand and into his own falls a small blue pill. “This’ll help you sleep.” 

Gale swallows thickly, looking at the pill in his palm. “Undersee…”

“Just take it,” she nearly pleads. “You deserve a good night of rest.” Gale swallows again and nods slowly, causing her lips to pull upwards. “Gale, I have no idea what you’ve been through,” she tells him. “And I never will. But I’ll listen if you want someone to talk to. And if you don’t want it to be me, I can help you find someone else.”

The sincerity in her voice freezes him to his core, but not in the way that he’s used to. Not in a sense that he’s taken back to the war, to the fighting. It’s just a fresh realization that someone cares. The shock comes from the fact that it’s  _Madge_. 

It struggles to come up his throat. “Thank you.” Madge blinks a few times before a smile finds her face, and then he strides forward. Gale isn’t sure if it’s desperation or exhaustion or  _both_ but he wraps his arms tightly around her. Madge buries her face into his chest and he holds her close. “Thank you,” Gale says again. 

And Madge is warm. Madge is warm and thoughtful, and the first person outside of his family that he’s held like this in a long time. The pill is hard in his hand but for the first time in months, things seem clear.

Gale pulls away, cupping her cheek for a moment before stepping backwards. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks, and Gale nods another time. 

He sleeps better that night than he has since he’s gotten back, and he isn’t sure it’s entirely because of the pill.


	2. Chapter 2

Gale never expected Madge Undersee to become a constant in his life, but now that she is he can’t imagine anything else.

Since the night she gave him the sleeping pill there’s been a shift between them, and he isn’t entirely sure how to explain it. She smiles more, and he smiles back. She makes the kids laugh, and sometimes he laughs too. And when the darkness starts pulling him back in, whether it be late at night just before bed with Madge still over because they were playing cards, or in the middle of the hallway when someone drops something and the loudest bang startles him back to a gunfight at the Capitol, she always brings him back.

It’s in the little moments Gale realizes how vital Madge is to him. How just the feel of her hand on him can steady his racing heartbeat, how she knows what to say with just one look at him. Madge Undersee is a godsend because though she’ll never understand what it was like to fight at the Captiol, she understands  _him_.

But Gale just received his clearance to go to District 2, and that isn’t a journey he expects Madge to take with him.

He wants to tell her right away. Gale’s been given a job on a District 2 with the military where he himself doesn’t have to go into the field, not right away, but is able to train new recruits on how to handle guns and other strategic thought. Along with that they’ve given him an apartment. It’s small, has one bedroom and one bathroom, but it has a balcony that allows him to step outside and breathe  _real air_.

And he’s excited, really. Getting out of District 13 is going to help him immensley, with the stress and the sleeping and the overall anxiety of constantly being underground. District 2 might have memories of The Nut, but it’s far from Districts 12 and 13 and it’s where they wanted him. It’ll be a fresh start and that’s what he wants.

Mostly.

That night as he’s walking Madge back to her compartment (it used to be Haymitch’s but he’s finally made the move back to District 12, so now she lives alone), Gale remembers that with a fresh start comes the struggle of meeting new people. And looking to Madge by his side makes him not want to do that more than anything.

“Have you thought about leaving 13?” he asks. The question must startle her because she leaps a little. They’ve gotten good at being quiet around one another unless necessary. It’s an easy friendship. “Sorry,” Gale murmurs.

“It’s okay. Um,” Madge’s eyebrows collide as she thinks. “I don’t… I don’t know.” Her shoulders lift slightly and Gale slows his pace a little, knowing the walk back to her place isn’t very long. “I always thought I’d head back to 12 but I don’t…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “I don’t think I can. Not yet, anyway. You know?” She laughs to herself a little. “Of course you know,” she answers her own question. “You don’t plan on heading back anytime soon.”

“Not yet,” he echoes what she’d said. 

“How’s your transfer to 2 coming along, anyway?” she asks. “Have you heard anything? I feel like it should have processed by now.”

“Still waiting,” he lies, immediatley hating himself as his words hang in the air. He knows he should be honest with her, tell her he’s free to leave any day he wants, but something’s holding him back. Something’s keeping him from making that move. “You could go somewhere else,” Gale tells her. “Anywhere but here.”

“I guess.” They reach her compartment and he slows to a stop. “I just don’t know where I’d go. There’s nothing out there for me.”

“There’s nothing in here for you either,” Gale murmurs. Again she shrugs, and Gale wonder what it would feel like to not know where to belong. It’s hard enough for him but at least he still has his family, and they’ll always be home for him. Slowly they stop outside her door. “You should think about it,” Gale says. “Leaving. Before you get stuck.” 

Madge is staring at his shoulder, unable to lift her eyes to meet his. She shrugs another time, unsure of what to say. The whole time they’re together her energy is directed at making  _him_ feel whole, complete. It’s a different feeling when he voices his concerns about her.

“Want to come in?” she asks as she finally lifts her eyes. “Just for a bit.” He hesitates. Not because he doesn’t want too, but because he’s scared of what could happen. Madge is important to him, somehow. She’s helped him find a therapist that he trusts and can talk to openly and freely about his experiences. She comforts him with gentle touches and knowing smiles. She’s warm in a place that is cold, so fucking cold all the time. Her face falls as he waits. “It’s okay,” she tells him gently. “You don’t have to.”

But really, he wants to.

“Maybe next time,” he murmurs. She goes inside without another word.

* * *

Gale’s therapist is a District 13 native. Gale had been hesitant to the concept of therapy, constantly echoing his mantra of  _I’m not broken, I’m not broken, I’m not broken_ , before Madge told him you don’t need to be broken to take care of yourself. She convinced Gale that going to a therapist was like getting a good night of sleep, or remembering to eat food. Vital to surviving. Especially after a tragedy.

“I’ve already made arrangements to have your file sent out,” his therapist, Jett, is telling him. “There’s a place right up the road from your apartment. Very trusted. And you have my phone number if you have an emergency.” Gale nods his head, keeping his eyes on the carpet. “Is there a reason you’re still in 13, Gale?” Gale takes a deep breath, lifting his shoulders. “None of that,” the doctor says. “We’ve talked about this.”

Gale’s a master at deflecting his problems. Jett never lets it slide. He told Gale that wasn’t the point of therapy, to pretend like things were okay. The point was to talk about the anger, the pain, to understand it. That was how Jett got Gale screaming, pacing around the office with his chest heaving and tears stinging his eyes. By addressing the issue, not deflecting it. Gale’s gotten better at not avoiding his thoughts, but sometimes he still reverts to deflecting.

“I feel like…” Gale starts, but then stops and shakes his head. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Just last week you said you were,” Jett reminds him. “What changed?”

“It became real, I guess.” For so long District 2 had felt like a dream, almost. A near-happy ending to the war. But now that it’s here, now that the option to leave is open to him… “I’m scared it won’t be what I need it to be.”

“And what do you need it to be?”

“Better,” Gale mutters. Jett stares at Gale, waiting for him to continue. “Better than here.” 

“You know,” Jett leans backwards in his chair, “it’s not going to be better unless you actually  _go there_ , right?”

Gale lets out a short laugh. “Yeah, I know. Still, there’s something.” Gale rubs at his nose and shakes his head. “I–I don’t know. Maybe it’s something about being on my own.”

“But you told me that was what you wanted,” Jett says. “To be on your own. Get away from everyone. That they–”

“That they remind me of what I’ve done, yeah,” Gale echoes his words from an earlier session as he rolls his eyes. “I know what I said. But not  _everyone_ reminds me of that.” Jett arches an eyebrow and Gale sinks backwards in his seat.  

“Oh? And who’s this person?”

Gale lifts his eyes to his doctor’s before looking back at the ground.  _Stop deflecting_ , he thinks, but he hears it in  _her_ voice. “Her name’s Madge,” Gale murmurs. 

After a moment of silence, clearly Gale not wanting to carry on the conversation, Jett leans forward. “You’ve mentioned her before. Always positively.” Gale remains neutral. “Why is she different?” 

“She just is,” Gale says with a sigh. “I don’t–it doesn’t make sense to me, she just is.” 

Again Jett waits for Gale to say something else, but when it becomes clear he won’t Jett prompts him. “Tell me about her?”

It takes a minute but soon Gale’s talking. It’s hard to look at his therapist when he speaks so intimately about himself so his eyes are on the ground, but Gale starts talking until he can’t anymore. He starts with District 12, about how she was the mayor’s daughter, about how unfair it was that she was wealthy and well fed and well tended to all for being born into it. He talks about the berries he sold her family, mostly strawberries though, and Gale says something about how he thinks they’re Madge’s favorites. He talks about Madge’s overwhelming kindness, even after Gale has always been rude and short with her. Madge’s positivey, her sincerity, her genuine  _care_  for him despite the fact that they’d been nearly strangers before being in District 13 together. 

“She was the one that helped me sign up for one of these sessions,” Gale goes on. “Just through everything, I don’t know why, but she–she’s helped me through so much.”

Jett is quiet, waiting to see if Gale has anything else to say, but nothing comes out. “I think sometimes the idea of leaving behind people we care about can be tricky. Especially people who’ve helped us when we may not have been able to do the same for them.” Gale sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “It sort of feels like we owe them something. And Gale, from what I know about you, you’re the kind of person that needs to repay people for what they’ve done for you.”

“No, but she’s more than that,” he stops him. Jett’s spot on, Gale has always been that person. But this is more than that. “I mean you’re right, I wish there was something I could do for her, but regardless Madge is… she’s just different.” 

Jett shifts in his seat. “It’s always weird when someone treats us better than we think we deserve to be treated. Especially someone we weren’t necessarily friendly with beforehand starts acting different.” Gale sighs, once again rubbing at his eyes. “Why do you think she’s acting different toward you? Because I have a thought.” 

“I don’t…” Gale takes a deep breath. “Her parents are gone. Katniss, Peeta, she was close with both of them and now they’re gone too. Haymitch is gone. Delly… my family’s most of her ties back to District 12.”

“Then why is she not closer with your mother, than you? From what you’ve told me they have a strong relationship.” Gale wrinkles his nose, shifting his gaze from one of the colored patterns on the floor to another. “And from what you’ve told me, she’s gone out of her way to assist you.”

“That’s just how she is,” Gale mutters.

“Is it?” Jett asks. “You believe she would do the same for everyone?” Gale starts mentally deflecting.  _She can’t. She can’t_.  _I know what he’s implying, but she can’t_. “Must have a big heart,” Jett says. 

Gale doesn’t say anything else.

* * *

That night Madge is over again. She spends a lot of time at the Hawthorne’s now that Haymitch has gone, that most people from District 12 have started moving back. And the kids love her, so it’s never been a problem. 

Gale returns from putting Posy to bed to find Madge has moved from her spot on the couch where she’d just read Posy a bedtime story. She’s at the table now, staring down at a manilla folder, and his heart sinks into his stomach. The world gets dizzy for Gale quickly, and when she looks up at him with questioning blue eyes it’s even harder for him to breathe.

“You told me you were still waiting for your papers to be processed,” Madge says. Gale licks his lips and grasps for something to say but everything is spinning, spinning. Quickly Madge reaches out, leaning over the table to grab his hand. “Hey,” she pulls him toward her. “I’m not mad. Breathe.” He takes a deep breath and squeezes her hand back before dragging the other through his hair. “I’m not mad,” Madge says again.

It takes another second of deep breathing before he can open his eyes again. Slowly he moves to take the seat across from her. Even when he opens his eyes he can’t look at her, though he knows she’s looking at him. 

“I wanted to tell you,” Gale murmurs. “I didn’t know how.”

Her hand is still in his and he focuses on the warmth of her fingers. She starts rubbing her thumb over his knuckles and slowly he looks up to her. 

“I think it’s great,” she says quietly. “This is what you wanted.” Gale forces himself to nod, because as far as Madge knows she’s right. This  _is_  what he wanted. To get out of District 13. To leave it all behind. “When do you leave?” Madge asks.

“I’m not sure yet.” 

With her freehand she closes the folder, directing all of her attention to him and not the papers. “Well I think it’s great,” she repeats. “It’s something you wanted to do. It’ll help you start over.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs. That’s the plan. He pulls his hand away from hers and her smile starts to slip. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“What’s stopping you from leaving?” she asks.

Gale’s eyes finally find hers and she pauses. He studies her face, the curl of her eyelashes and pink of her lips. Watches as her cheeks turn red. The nervousness as she blinks, waiting for him to answer.

But he doesn’t. Instead he says, “Let me walk you home.” 

* * *

He wants to ask her if she’s thought about leaving District 13 since they last talked about it, but the words keep getting scrambled in his head and never make it up his throat. Every time he opens his mouth Gale feels like he’s going to say the wrong thing, that something horrible will happen if he speaks, so their walk back to her compartment is mostly in silence.

Halfway there he glances at her from the corner of his eye, her arms tightly crossed over her chest as though she’s cold – which she might be, it’s drafty – but she looks a little upset too.

So he reaches out and stops her. Because He can’t keep deflecting, he has to say what’s on his mind. 

“I think you should come to District 2,” Gale says. She looks up at him and her eyes widen ever so slightly. “With me,” he adds. “I think you should come to District 2 with me.” 

Her blush from earlier returns and she blinks a few times as she processes what he’s said. “What?”

Anixety begins to pool in the pit of his stomach. Gale looks elsewhere to keep himself from shutting down. He remembers when he used to be brave and focuses on that feeling. “I want you to come to District 2 with me,” Gale says this time. It’s not what he  _thinks_ she should do, it’s what he  _wants_ her to do. 

“What would I–” Madge shakes her head as a smile forms on her face. “What would I do in District 2?”

“Anything you wanted,” he murmurs. She takes a step toward him and he exhales in relief. 

She licks her lips. “But with you?” she asks. And Gale nods, because that’s what he wants. He can’t imagine a life without Madge now, without her anchoring him back to reality and helping him fight his demons. He doesn’t  _want_  to imagine a world like that. And he’s not sure he can go without her.

Gale’s known it this whole time, that she was his reluctance for leaving. But finally admitting it is almost freeing. And her apparent agreement makes him feel like he can breathe again.

She strides toward him then and presses herself on her toes. Gale doesn’t know why he’s so shocked when she kisses him. He should’ve expected it. It’s what he and Jett had more-or-less talked about, anyway. Yet still, he wasn’t. Gale didn’t expect this at all. Her mouth is warm, just like the rest of her entire being, and her hands on his cheeks are soft. But Gale pulls away after just a moment, his hand firm on her shoulder.

“Madge,” he rasps. And then he shakes his head. Because even though he should have known the implications of his request, it wasn’t where his mind was. Not completely. And when she realizes this Madge takes a step away from him, her face falling. “ _Madge_ ,” he says again.

“Oh  _God_ ,” she reaches up and wipes at her mouth. “I’m–I’m so sorry.” Gale’s still shaking his head, this time not wanting her to feel like this, but she’s staring at the ground. “I–I didn’t–I thought you meant,” Madge presses her hand to her mouth and Gale watches her eyes rapidly filling with tears. “I’m sorry,” she says again. “I–of course–you still–” she takes a broken breath. “Katniss.”

 _Katniss_.

Hearing her name makes his heart break. Not only because of how they had ended things, but because of how  _sad_  it sounds coming from Madge’s mouth. Before Gale can say anything else Madge is gone, her footsteps soft against the tiled floor, and then he is alone again.


	3. Chapter 3

Gale has the worst night of sleep that night since he’s been back. He tosses and turns, his stomach aches, his entire body sweats. He wants to sleep but he can’t, and he wants to breathe but his lungs feel small, and he wants to scream but he knows it’s pointless.

He isn’t sure what time it is that he gives up and rolls out of bed. After pulling some clothes on he marches straight to Madge’s compartment and knocks as loud as he can. It takes a minute but soon she opens the door, squinting into the light of the hallway and rubbing at her eyes.

“Can I come in?” he asks. Madge sighs, leaning against the door frame without opening the door. “We need–I need to–let me in,” Gale pleads. “So we can talk. Please.” 

She’s quiet for a minute, staring at him with sad eyes before she pulls open the door and lets him in. Gale enters her compartment and makes straight for the couch. She shuts the door after he’s inside and walks over to join him, and as she does his eyes scan her body. She’s in pajamas, some of the shortest shorts he’s seen in District 13, along with a big baggy shirt. He can’t help but think she looks adorable.

“It’s really late,” she says quietly.

“I know. I couldn’t sleep.” Madge settles on the couch beside him and Gale scratches the back of his neck. “I had things I wanted to say,” he starts, “and now I don’t…” About this time Madge would usually reach over and grab his hand. Remind him that it’s okay his brain is fried and his thoughts are scrambled. But now she only looks at him as though she’s trying not to cry, and keeps her mouth shut. Gale takes a deep breath and tries again. “I’m…”

He doesn’t get very far.

“I’ll make some tea,” Madge says softly. She stands from the couch and quietly pads away from him, her footsteps quiet against the tile.

In the kitchen he listens as she carefully rearranges her pots and pans as not to be too loud. Just that alone makes Gale’s heart race, because he knows she’s doing it for him because one night a little bit back she’d been a little careless and the sound of the pots clanging togeter made him have an episode. The fact that she remembers, that she’s so patient, only reinforces the fact that he wants her in District 2 with him.

Soon she returns and settles back onto the couch.

He knows he has to say something. “I don’t love her,” Gale croaks. Madge sighs, turning slightly away from him. “Madge, I’m confused–and it still hurts, but I don’t–I don’t love her.”

“Gale,” she starts, but it’s clear she doesn’t know what else to say. After a beat of silence she shakes her head. “I can’t go with you.”

“Madge–”

“Why would you want me to go to District 2 with you if you don’t feel the way I feel, Gale? And how could you expect me to  _want_ that?”

“It’s so much more than that,” he insists. Gale’s the one that reaches out this time, his hands grabbing hers. “And it’s not that I don’t feel the same.” She lets out a dry laugh and looks away from him, but still he edges closer. “Madge you’ve got to understand something–for me it’s  _always_  been Katniss.” Her eyes begin to fill with tears as he again moves closer. “I never had a backup plan because I never thought I’d need one, I never expected things to play out this way.”

“Oh, so now I’m a backup plan?” 

“No– _fuck_.” Gale takes a deep breath and forces himself to think. One word at a time, to form one sentence at a time. Step by step. He can do this. “Backup plan was not the right set of words, it wasn’t what I meant.” She won’t look at him, her eyes on the ground. “I never expected to feel anything for someone like I had with her,” Gale says. “So I never–I didn’t know how to deal with it when it happened with you.” This time when she blinks a tear drips down her cheek and Gale reaches out to wipe it away. “Katniss was important to me, she always  _will_  be, but I don’t feel the same as I used to and I know there’s nothing there anymore, Madge. I  _know_  that.” His hand rests on her cheek and he pulls her to look at him. “I feel the same,” he whispers.

She shakes her head. “I don’t believe you,” she whispers back. Gale sighs, pulling away from her. “Gale, I’m patient with you and helpful when you start to slip, but you don’t feel the same way I do.” His skin beings to hum as though there are bees below the surface, his anxiety is returning full force. “If you’d felt the same then you wouldn’t have pushed me away when I kissed you.”

“I just didn’t expect it,” he forces out.

Madge nearly shouts, “Because you asked me to District 2 for a different reason!” He’s shaking his head but somewhere inside he knows she’s right. “You don’t want me there because you  _care_  about me or like me or anything like that, you want me there because I know how to keep you grounded!”

“But I  _do_ ,” he interrupts. “I  _do_  care about you, Madge, and  _I do_  like you.”

“But that isn’t why you asked me to go,” she reiterates. Gale takes a deep breath and squeezes his eyes together, focusing on the here and now. He listens to Madge’s soft voice and grips the fabric of the couch to keep himself in District 13. “I know you care about me,” Madge goes on quietly. “But it’s not the same, Gale.”

Only when he feels her hand on his knee does he speak again. “I want it to be,” he whispers. His eyes are still shut, looking at her is too painful for now, but he commands himself to speak. “It’s not just what you do for me,” Gale carries on. “Because I know you–I know you do so much for me. It’s more than that.” He wishes he was the same Gale he used to be. Loud and strong and tall and brave and able to say what he was feeling without being hesitant. He hates this anxiety, this constant weight that makes him feel weak. He hates what the war has done to him. “It’s how you are with my family,” he breathes. “It’s how you carry yourself. How you command respect, but… but you’re patient, and kind and–”

A loud whistle cuts him off and his eyes snap open. Madge lurches forward immediately, her hand on his cheek. “It’s the kettle,” she tells him, pulling his chin so he’s looking at her. “It’s just the kettle.” Gale lets out a shaking breath and he covers her hand with his own. “I’ll go grab it. I’ll be right back.” Only when he nods does she slowly ease away from him, and then she’s quick to make the kettle stop howling. 

Gale goes through some of the breathing techniques Jett taught him and by the time Madge returns with two cups of tea his heartbeat is steady again. She sets their cups on the coffee table and reaches for Gale’s hands the moment she sits down. 

“I still can’t go with you,” she says. His eyes drop, looking anywhere but her. “You need to learn to carry yourself sometimes, Gale. I can’t always be that person.”

“I know that.”

“Then prove it to me,” she whispers. “Go to District 2 and show me that you don’t want me there just to keep you in check.” Her chin quivers and her voice shakes. “Because I want to go,” Madge says. “I  _want_  to go with you.” Gale forces himself to look at her and feels his heart shattering at the look on her face. It’s his fault things are playing out this way. He should’ve known the implications of his request, he should’ve been honest with her from the beginning. “But not unless you’re ready.”

So he has no choice. Gale nods and a weak smile fills her face. He has to go to District 2 alone.

* * *

They drink their tea quietly, Madge curling up to his side with his arm draped over her shoulder.  _This is how it could be one day_ , Gale thinks. And God, he  _wants_ that one day more than anything. A future with Madge feels bright. It’s the most hopeful he’s been for something in such a long time. And it’s something that he’s  _sure_  of.

Madge might not think his feelings are genuine, but Gale knows they are. Sure, much of how he feels for her has stemmed out of her concern for him, from Madge’s patience and understanding of his situation. But that part of her is only one of the reasons Gale wants her in 2 with him. He wants her there because he’s scared to lose this new beginning. 

Soon he begins to nod off. “I should go,” Gale murmurs, but Madge reaches out. She looks conflicted, wanting to agree with him but also hold him in his place, and it takes her a moment to say anything. “I want to stay,” Gale says softly. “But–we know it would be best for me to go.” 

“Yeah,” she exhales. 

Before Gale can think twice about it he bends down, gently pressing his lips to hers. Madge takes a deep breath and smiles as he pulls away. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promises.

She lets him go, and the walk back to his family compartment feels a lot longer than it is. When he collapses into bed, sleep comes easy.

* * *

Gale goes to the offices of District 13 the next day and prepares for his departure. Madge was right. Even though this is a journey he doesn’t want to take on his own it’s best if he does. He needs to get to know himself again in the quiet moments. He needs to rebuild the person he used to be, hopefully into someone stronger and braver than before. And though he wants Madge there, he knows if he does this right that she  _will_  be there one day. 

He finds her soon after. “I’m leaving Friday,” Gale tells her, and she looks genuinely happy for him. “I want to keep in contact with you,” Gale says.  _I want you to know how important you are to me, even without all your help_. “If you want that, too.”

“I do,” she nods. 

“I want to see where this goes,” he tells her quietly.

Madge smiles, looking down at the ground before back up at him. “Are you sure? You’re going to a new place. You’re going to meet a lot of new people and–”

Gale cuts her off, “And none of them are you.” If it doesn’t work out because of the distance, so be it, but Gale can’t write off his feelings for Madge. Not yet. “Maybe you can come visit,” he murmurs. “Once I’m settled in.”

“Maybe,” she agrees.

* * *

Things are mostly the same following his decision to leave. He tells his family, who are incredibly excited for him, and packs his things. Gale walks Madge home every night and lingers, often wondering if he should kiss her. And when it’s time for him to leave he really does.

They’re standing at the loading dock to send him off, and after hugging all of his family members for a long time he strides over to Madge, gently cupping her cheeks and kissing her softly. “I’ll talk to you soon,” he murmurs.

She smiles at him and nods, and he kisses her another time. Because somehow, even though he should be terrified of leaving and starting over, Gale feels brave.

* * *

The first week or so in District 2 is a nightmare. Gale’s new therapist, someone that Jett recommended, is really great, but socializing has gotten more difficult than Gale thought. His co-workers at his new job respect him, he was on the Star Squad after all, but Gale struggles holding conversations with them. Every morning when he wakes up he feels like something horrible is going to happen, and every night when he climbs into bed Gale has a hard time falling asleep.

He takes a lot of medication now. Two pills with breakfast, for anxiety and stress, another two at lunch, and one at bed time to help him sleep. He can’t tell if they’re working.

Gale calls his family every day on the phone, and hearing Posy’s laughter or Rory’s horrible jokes always calms him down. But he and Madge promised to write, not to call, so the two of them send letter back and forth frequently. He sends and receives about two letters a week. Finding one in his mailbox with her loopy neat handwriting always makes him smile. Only when the world gets to be too much does he cave, dialing her number in the middle of the night when he’s desperate for her voice.

And she always answers. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs into the receiver. Because to Gale, this is him proving he’s still too weak for her to join him in District 2. And that’s what he still wants, more than anything. “I miss you,” he rasps.

“I miss you,” Madge echoes quietly. And then she often launches into a story about this or that, someone at District 13 acting up or a silly story about Posy. She talks until Gale calms down, and he craves for her to be near. And then she softly bids him a goodnight.

And in time, Gale learns how to control the nightmares. He learns how to calm himself down during an anxiety attack, or the signs that one’s coming on so he can prepare. He focuses his energy to constructive things, like going on runs through the streets of District 2 and becoming more physically fit. He still has hard nights but Gale learns and grows over a few months.

One night a few months after settling in Gale calls Madge just to say hello and the line is dead.  _We’re sorry_ , an automated voice is telling him.  _The number you’re dialing cannot be reached._ His anxiety levels rise immediately. He hangs up and tries again, maybe thinking he dialed a wrong number.  _We’re sorry. The number you’re dialing cannot be reached_. Again. Again. 

He calls the main phone operations of District 13 and explains the situation. “I keep dialing Compartment 4-19 and I’m told there’s a problem, that it’s not going through.”

“Yes, it appears that compartment has been disconnected,” the woman on the other end tells him. 

“Do you know where I can reach the girl that had been living there?” he asks. “Undersee? Madge Undersee?”

“It isn’t looking like there’s a Madge Undersee in our system,” the operative tells him. Gale starts pacing, his eyes darting back and forth as he tries to find something to focus on. 

 _Place yourself_ , he thinks.  _Where am I?_ District 2. In his kitchen. The item in his hand is a phone. Plastic, not metal like a gun. “Just try Undersee,” he croaks. “With a U.” The air smells like disinfectant, he’d just cleaned a few hours ago. Gale focuses on the weight in his feet, traveling up his calves, his knees, his thighs. He’s here, he’s here.

“The system’s a little slow today,” the woman says. “It’s searching now.” 

Suddenly there’s a knock on his door. “Be right back,” Gale murmurs into the phone, placing it down on the counter and sprinting to the front door. He throws it open in a hurry, eager to get back to the phone, and freezes. “Madge,” he rasps. 

She’s standing in the hallway with a bag on the ground and a small smile on her face. “Hi,” she responds. He strides toward her and throws his arms around her and she laughs. “I wanted to surprise you,” she tells him.

Gale breathes her in and pulls her close. Soon her own arms link behind his neck and she hugs him back. “Oh, God,” he exhales. The anxiety from mere moments ago is draining from him, he feels like a lighter person. “I just–I tried calling and–” he’s still on the phone. “Shit.” Gale pulls away from her and holds open the door. “Come on,” he calls as he races into the kitchen and picks up the phone. “Hello?” he says.

“Sir, it appears Undersee comma Margaret has left District 13 and–”

“Yeah, I know, never mind. Thank you though!” Gale hangs up the phone and turns back around to find Madge standing in the foyer, just having closed the door to his apartment. “You left 13,” he says.

“I left 13,” she nods. “I–I think I’m going back to 12. Haymitch has a room for me. But I–I wanted to come see you first.” Again Gale steps toward her and a smile fills her face. “Is this okay? I was going to call. I should’ve–I know I should’ve called or something, but–”

“No,” Gale cuts her off. He shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I can set up the couch, sleep there. And I can take a few days off to show you the district.” Gale places his hands on her shoulders, then lifts them to her cheeks. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he says. 

She leans into his touch and smiles. “Are you sure it’s not too much? I didn’t–I didn’t really think this through.” 

He bends down and presses his lips gently to her forehead. “I’m sure it’s not too much,” he murmurs. Madge snakes her hands around his hips and leans against his chest, allowing his arms to wrap around her as well. “I have so much I want to tell you,” he exhales. 

“We’ve been writing letters for months,” Madge laughs into his shirt. “There’s more?”

“Lots more,” he nods. 

“Then I can’t wait to hear,” she tells him. And for the first time since Gale’s left District 13 for District 2, he feels like things are exactly how they’re supposed to be.


	4. Chapter 4

“I haven’t slept in a bed that comfortable in forever,” Madge says as she pads into the kitchen. Gale slept on the couch last night, even though Madge argued his legs were too long and  _she_  should sleep on the couch, and Madge took his bed. He smiles at her over his shoulder before getting back to work. “What’re you making?” she asks. “Smells good.”

“Pancakes,” he tells her. “I’m sure Miss Mayor’s Daughter has had a few in her life.”

“Mmm,” she nods and sinks into one of the chairs at the nearby kitchen table. “It’s been a while.” It’s no secret that District 13 wasn’t very creative when it came to dining. 

“My neighbor taught me,” Gale tells her. “He’s this burly man, transferred down here from District 7. You’ve got to meet him, he’s taller than  _me_.”

“That’s possible?” Madge teases, and Gale once again find himself smiling. 

She’s only been here the one night but Madge’s presence has already revitalized Gale so much. They stayed up late catching up, Gale telling her all about his new job here in District 2 and his ridiculous co-workers and Madge telling him stories from District 13 after he’d gone. Gale was right, there was a lot more than just what they wrote about in their letters. He called in today and asked for the week off which they generously gave him, considering he hadn’t missed a day since he’d transferred. (Even on the hard days Gale forced himself to go to work. He could always make it until the weekend.)

Gale finishes off the pancakes and heaves two onto her plate, leaving a steaming stack in the center of the table. He pulls out syrup and powdered sugar afterwards. “Never knew how good this stuff was,” Gale admits. 

“Sometimes the cook would put chocolate chips in the pancakes back home,” she tells him. Madge takes a big bite from what Gale’s made and sighs. “These are pretty good too.”

They start eating and Gale just revels in how easy it is to be around her. There’s no pressure to say or do anything, no stress in how to behave. It’s just simple. 

“So how long are you staying?” he asks. “I’ve got the week off but you’re welcome to stay past that.”

“Just the week, for now,” she says. “I told Haymitch to set up a room for me so I should head back to 12 eventually.”

Gale pushes his food around with his fork. “So it’s back to 12 for you, then?”

“Seems that way,” Madge nods. “No one from 12 that I knew was left in 13 once your family left. I found it harder to stick around. And I… I have friends in 12 so…” she lifts her shoulders into a tiny shrug. “It’s not what I wanted, and it’s going to be hard, but it’s better than living the rest of my life underground.”

And so Gale decides, then, that his mission for this week is to convince Madge that District 12 is not the end-all be-all. And if she doesn’t want to stay here in District 2 with him when he eventually asks, because he knows he’s going to he just has to figure out the best time, that there are plenty of other places she could go than back to District 12. 

Gale starts small. He shows her his neighborhood, which is mostly just a few apartment buildings circling around a small garden with a big fish pond. They spend a long time out on the bench watching the fish swim around. 

“District 2′s colder than I expected,” Madge tells him.

“You get used to it,” Gale returns. After that they walk down Main Street. Gale’s not too far from the center of District 2 where there always seems to be a crowd. “The entertainment sector’s starting to grow,” Gale tells her. More than once he has the urge to reach out and tangle his fingers with hers but she hasn’t made and moves on that front and Gale’s scared to be the first to tackle it.

It’s a balance he has to maintain. Gale wants her to stay in District 2 with him, that much is clear, but he doesn’t want to seem desperate. He knows if she says no, that she wants to go back to 12 instead, that he won’t stop her. He doesn’t  _need_  Madge here. But he wants her here. More than anything. He just doesn’t want to seem too eager at the idea. 

“Do you ever go to bars?” Madge asks as they pass one. It’s early evening by this point, they’re looking for a place to eat. “They opened one in 13.”

“Not a fan,” Gale admits. He tried going to a few when he first arrived, maybe to drink away his sorrows, but they were always too crowded and the thought made him nervous. “Here, the restaurant’s this way.” Gale guides her down the street and they make a few turns before arriving at a fancy looking place. “Existed before the war, actually,” Gale tells her as they push open the front door.

Instantly the noise of a crowd hits them. Crowds always make Gale anxious. They’re too loud and there are too many moving pieces so he takes a moment, turning away from the noise to collect himself.  _District 2. Madge is with me. Just a restaurant._ He takes a deep breath and turns back to her, finding her reaching out.

Madge rests her hand on his forearm. “You okay?”

“Just needed a second,” he murmurs. “I’m fine.” Still, she looks concerned. “I’m fine, Madge,” Gale says again. “Come on. Let’s get seated.”

They’ve just gotten their drinks when she broaches the subject. “I know you wrote that you’ve been doing better,” Madge says. Gale sips from his straw but keeps his eyes on her. “Anything… is there something–”

“Sometimes it’s still hard,” Gale admits. “But I have ways to keep myself grounded. Just takes a minute or two, usually.” She nods but gnaws on her bottom lip. “Loud places still kind of get under my skin,” he tells her. “It was loud when we opened the door. I’m alright now, though.”

“We didn’t have to come.”

“I’m alright now,” Gale repeats. He reaches across the table and rests his hand atop hers. “Okay? I can handle myself.” She nods again, but her eyes are focused on where he’s holding her hand. 

* * *

Their week seems to breeze by a lot faster than either of them planned. Gale savors the moments in the afternoon when the sun warms their skin, where Madge stretches out her arms and remarks that she’ll never forget this feeling ever again. He revels in the nights they stay up late, Madge falling asleep on his shoulder as he tells her stories about his co-workers or the people who live down the hall.

It’s Wednesday before either of them realize it. 

Madge’s plan is to leave Saturday afternoon and their time together is already over halfway gone. They do normal things that day but that evening Gale has a plan. “I want to show you something,” he says, and of course she agrees.

As they’re leaving his apartment building they run into one of his neighbors. A tall cheery girl with long black hair and a smile so bright it’s blinding. “Gale!” she cheers from her doorway, balancing groceries in her arms that Gale rushes forward to help her steady. “I haven’t seen you this week.” Her eyes flicker past him to Madge who’s lingering back and he smiles.

“I’ve had company,” he says. “This is Madge.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about you,” the girl says. “I’m Karla, District 8.”

“District 12,” Madge says softly. “Nice to meet you.” Karla doesn’t echo the sentiment. Once she gets her door propped open she thanks Gale again for his help and scoops all of her grocery bags into her hands. Once they’re outside Madge clears her throat. “So where’re we going?”

“My favorite place,” Gale says. He’s always needed a place where he could sit back and think. He had one in 12, and in 13 he was allowed access to the indoor-outdoor fields that reminded him of home. It didn’t take him long to find a place in District 2 that made him feel safe. 

They have to take a car to get to the place but District 2 is much more advanced than 12 ever was and it’s easy enough to flag someone down. They’re quiet in the car and Gale notices Madge chewing on her bottom lip more often than not, her eyes out the window. Soon enough they stop and the driver lets them out. Gale steers Madge in the right direction and they get there just in time to watch the sunset. 

Madge gasps at the sight and Gale rocks back on his heels, watching her eyes light up. It’s the best view in the entire district, he’s sure. The sun fading behind the distant mountain peaks, scattering golden light across the valley before them. There’s a lake at the bottom of the hill they’re on but past that are mountains that rival District 12′s for sure, tall and beautiful, untainted by coal miners or those that search for diamonds.

“Wow,” she exhales. “It’s… remarkable.”

“Mm,” Gale agrees. He steps toward her and reaches for her hand but at the last moment she crosses her arms over her chest, shivering slightly. Gale waits a minute, turning his gaze back to the view, before looking at her again.

“Your neighbor was nice,” Madge says. Gale feels his eyebrows collide. “Karla?”

“She’s alright,” Gale says. 

“Pretty,” she murmurs, her voice getting quieter. Gale steps toward her again. Honestly, Gale’s relieved she’s the one to finally broach the subject. “Gale, I–I know it wasn’t fair of me to… to ask you to wait for me.”

“What are you–Madge, you didn’t ask me to wait for you? I told you I would.” She bites down on her bottom lip. “I told you I wanted to see what there was between us.”

“I, yes I know,” Madge nods. “But you–you haven’t…” she trails off. “I understand if there’s someone else,” she says, finally turning to look at him. Gale shakes his head at her but she keeps going. “It’s a new place and there are so many new people and–”

“Stop,” Gale reaches for her hands this time. “Stop it. Where’s this coming from?”

“You haven’t…  _we_  haven’t talked about it, about  _us_ , and I feel like we would’ve by now if you–if that was what you–”

“Madge,” he cuts her off again, but gently. Gale pulls her toward him but she keeps her eyes elsewhere, unable to look at him. “There’s no one else,” Gale says softly. “I thought the two of us, with the letters, I thought that was something for us.” 

Her voice wavers, “Me too, but–”

“There’s no but,” he shakes his head. “There’s no one else. Just you.” Madge blinks hard and tears come to her eyes. “Hey, hey,” Gale reaches up and cups her cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I made you go,” she croaks. “I made you leave I gave you an ultimatum and–”

“What are you going on about?” Gale asks. “You didn’t give me an ultimatum? Madge, we both knew I was going to District 2.”

“I told you that you had to get better or I wouldn’t come!” she nearly cries. Madge looks up now, her eyes finally meeting his. “I forced this upon you, Gale. I told you that you weren’t–that I wasn’t, that–”

“Stop.” Madge sniffles and he reaches out, wiping her tears from under her eyes. “You told me you wouldn’t come with me because you thought the only reason I wanted you here was because you could bring me back when I was getting bad. And that’s  _valid_ , Madge. That was part of the reason I wanted you to come.” She blinks and more tears fall so Gale quickly wipes them away as well. “You needed to be sure that wasn’t the only reason I wanted you here. I understood it then, and I understand it now. You didn’t force anything and you didn’t give an ultimatum. We both knew me coming here alone was best at the time.” 

“You needed me,” she whispers. “You needed me and I turned you away.”

“I needed to grow on my own,” Gale says. “I needed to learn to fight my own battles. Is it still hard sometimes? Fuck, of course it is. But I’m stronger now than I was six months ago, and it’s because I did it alone.” Her chin quivers and he reaches up with his other hand to cup both of her cheeks now. “There’s no resentment there, Madge. There never was.” 

“I’m sorry,” she rasps.

“Don’t be,” he returns. Gale bends down, gently pressing his lips to hers, and Madge melts into him. “ _Don’t be_ ,” Gale says again. Her hands anchor onto his shirt as they kiss, gentle yet desperate, frantic and warm and  _perfect_  after such a long time. Her hands tangle in his hair, he pulls her as close as he possibly can. The sun is long set by the time they pull away, tears in the corner of Madge’s eyes but a soft smile on her face. “There’s this, uh,” Gale pins his forehead to hers. “There’s this ice cream place on Main Street,” he says, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks. “Want to go?”

“I’d love to,” she breathes. He kisses her again before reaching down to grab her hand, off to wait for a car to take them back to town.

* * *

She drags him to his room that night, refusing to let him sleep on the couch another day. Gale doesn’t mind. It’s been a long time, if ever, that a pretty girl’s pulled him into bed. He forgets his sleeping pill that night, too distracted by the way Madge runs her hands up his spine under his shirt. 

But the idea of being physically intimate, of sex, still kind of scares Gale. He feels like a stronger, braver man now than he has since the war, but it’s still terrifying to him. So when Madge gets his shirt off Gale kisses her firmly before sinking onto the mattress beside her and pulling her close. She doesn’t seem to care, and he thinks it would be too fast if they rushed into it. 

Still, he forgot his sleeping pill. The falling asleep has never been the biggest problem, it’s the staying asleep that really gets to him. He isn’t sure what time it is that he wakes in a sweat, his heart hammering in his chest and his vision filled with gunfight. Gale tries to climb quietly out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. He turns the sink on cold and grips the counter top before splashing his face a few times. 

“Gale?” he hears. 

He lets out a short breath. “I’m fine, go back to bed.” Gale can feel her presence in the doorway and he reaches blindly to turn off the sink. “I don’t need your help,” he says. Gale needs her to know that. That he doesn’t need her to come down from this.

“I know,” Madge whispers. Then her arms are around his waist and he lets out a shaking breath. She presses a few kisses up his back before holding him close, resting her cheek against his skin. “I know you don’t.”

Soon he lifts his arms to cover hers. “I’m okay,” he murmurs. Madge nods and pulls away and slowly he turns to face her. “I’m okay,” Gale says again, this time his eyes on her. “I still get nightmares sometimes, but I’m fine.” 

Madge smiles weakly. “I believe you,” she says. “Let’s go back to bed.” 

Again he allows her to drag him to his bedroom. She snuggles up close to him once they’re under the covers and he goes back to focusing on his breathing, finding it a lot easier to do with her by his side. When he falls asleep soon after, he doesn’t wake until the morning.

* * *

By Friday Gale’s taken her to all of his favorite restaurants around District 2 so he insists he cook for her. “An old Seam recipe,” he says, and Madge looks excited to try. The problem is he needs to go grocery shopping, and Gale’s never really enjoyed the grocery store. The aisles are small and shopping carts make horribly loud noises sometimes and it reminds of The Hob. But with Madge by his side he’s sure he can make it.

It’s an easy trip. Gale cages her into the cart, his arms on either side of her as they stroll down the different sections. And they’re almost completely done picking up everything when a clashing sound (cans? Carts colliding? Gale’s not sure) makes his vision spin. Immediately he wraps himself around Madge, leaning down and burying his face in her neck. 

“Fuck,” he exhales. “Fuck.  _Fuck_.”

“It’s okay,” she says, reaching up somehow to hold him. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“I told you I was fine,” Gale rasps. “Sometimes I go through–it’s a few days, sometimes, Madge I swear I’m better–”

“Hey,” she spins in his grasp and reaches up to cup his cheeks. “It’s okay,” she says clearly. “I know how far you’ve come.” Still his heart is racing. He keeps his eyes locked with hers for a long time before nodding. “I know it doesn’t just go away, Gale,” she murmurs. “I know that. But I know how far you’ve come since District 13.” 

Gale wants to melt, then. Dissolve into nothing. Because how is it possible that she’s so understanding of him, even now? Even after they spent months apart? It feels like he’s never left her side. Gale bends down, kissing her quickly, before returning to shopping. His hands are still shaking, but he makes the rest of the trip without incident.

* * *

The meal he’s made is delicious, but it isn’t until long after when they’re out on his balcony does Gale work up the courage to say what he’s wanted to since the moment she’s arrived.

“I want you to stay with me,” he says. Madge tilts her head slightly but doesn’t turn to look at him. “In District 2. If you want that, too.” She grips the railing of the balcony but still doesn’t look at him. “With you here things feel… I don’t know, Madge. But it feels like we were never apart.” 

Finally after a long moment of silence she clears her throat. “It’s a big step, Gale.”

“I know that.” She starts gnawing on her bottom lip. “I know that it’s fast, and I know that we’re young,” Madge only just turned 19 a few months ago, Gale will only be 21 when his birthday arrives in a few months, “and that it’s a lot, but I don’t care. And I don’t really think you do either.”

Now she turns to look at him, her eyes almost sad. “What’s there here for me in District 2, Gale? I never finished my high school education, I don’t have any marketable skills–”

“You could do  _anything_ ,” he tells her. “There are training programs for  _anything_. Or you could go back to school, they have programs for that too.” Again Madge looks away. “And if you don’t want to stay, I get that. But this week? This week’s been everything to me, Madge.” She opens her mouth but he stops her. “You don’t have to answer me now,” Gale murmurs. “You can think about it. Or leave, and come back. It doesn’t matter to me. I just…” he sighs. “Letters aren’t enough anymore. Not now that I know what it’s like.” 

She nods and slowly looks back at him. “I’ll think about it,” she says. 

“If anything,” Gale carries on. “Don’t go back to 12.” Her eyebrows furrow in confusion and he shrugs. “It’s not going to be what you need it to be. I promise. You don’t have to stay here, but 12 isn’t home for you anymore.”  _Just as it isn’t home for me_ , he thinks. “Your possibilities are endless,” Gale tells her. “Explore them. Okay?” 

Madge presses forward, wrapping herself around him tightly. “Thanks,” she exhales. He doesn’t know what to say back, so he just holds her.

* * *

Their last day together zips by, and soon enough it’s Saturday morning. Gale wakes up a little earlier than her and watches her sleep for a few moments. She looks at peace, curled up in his sheets, and he’d give anything to wake up to this every day. But just because it’s what he wants doesn’t mean it’s what Madge needs. He understands that. It just sucks.

“Madge,” he murmurs. Gale reaches forward and nudges her slightly. “Gotta get up,” he says softly. “Don’t want to miss your train out.”

“Nu-uh.” Madge curls further into the blankets and Gale props himself up on his elbow. “Not going.” Gale arches an eyebrow and she opens one of her eyes. “I’m gonna stay.”

He tries his hardest to stay neutral but his voice shakes anyway. “Yeah?” She nods and closes her eyes again. “I don’t want you to feel forced,” he manages to say.

“I don’t,” she murmurs. Gale blinks hard and takes a deep breath. “I want to stay.” His entire body feels lighter and he smiles, unable to figure out what to say next. “And if things don’t work out, I’ve always got a place with Haymitch.” Again she opens her eyes, this time looking a little hesitant. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” he croaks. “Are you–are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she nods. A laugh escapes him and he bends down, pressing his lips to her forehead. When he pulls back a soft smile’s on her face. “Will you teach me to make pancakes?” she asks quietly. 

Gale chuckles, extreme happiness flowing through his body. “Sure,” he murmurs, bending down to kiss her again. It takes them a little longer to get out of bed that morning, but Gale doesn’t mind. 

For the first time since the war it finally feels like he’s getting his new beginning.


End file.
